you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
