Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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