Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
