It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
