Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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