last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
