Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
