Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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