I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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