Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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