every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
