so explain again why im purple
no
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
