Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
