I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
