The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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