I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
