So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
