I just cut my nipple shaving
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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