Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
