i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
