New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
