Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
