Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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