Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
