If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
