I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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