I'm so fucking centered right now
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
