Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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