theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
