If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
