im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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