I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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