nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
