Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
