..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
