I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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