she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just googled if crying burns calories
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
