You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
