I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
