It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think i have two assholes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize