my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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