Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
