that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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