Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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