He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
