My room smells like vodka and shame
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize