A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
