I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
