'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
