Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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