Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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