the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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