At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
