just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
