dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
