dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
