Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
