you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
