bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
