I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there was a trapeze. enough said
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
