decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
