hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
honey bunches of taint.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
