She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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