I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
