And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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