:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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