Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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