Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
