i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
