Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
