did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
