Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
