After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You may now shotgun with the bride
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
