I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
